Monthly Archives: August 2010

The Internet Sucks And It Is Ruining America…Part Two

How To Write A Stupid Comment Without Looking Completely Stupid

I am not an English teacher. I do not write in a technically proficient way. I don’t like to grade papers on anything but content because I write as I think…sort of. I qualify that statement so that I can separate myself from the great sodden masses of Internet Commentators.

Let me rephrase that. Not Internet Commentators. Internet Commentors. A commentator is generally a person who is seen as an expert in aCourtesy of The Internet certain subject like politics or sports or video games or something. A commentor is just that. A person who posts a thought (I use the word “thought” in the loosest possible connotation) at the end of some story or blog entry they read on the Internet. And that is the biggest problem with the Internet. Everyone gets a turn. There are no signs that say, “Your IQ must be this high to ride.” That is why we get gems like this:

How many more must we loose…

And this:

We should just nuke aghgan y not it doesn’t seem like they wanna change,so what the hell get ride

And let’s not forget this gem…

Im sure there were not to many mexicans hurt in mexico, their all here..
They have a big skimmer to pick up oil, do they one for Mexicans?

So what can we learn from these posts? Racism is fun again, people REALLY don’t like Mexicans and there just might be a correlation between hatred and education. More hate equals more dumb.

A Guide To Posting Stupid

Anyone can post anything and I am not a thought cop. And I also know that some people simply post horrible thoughts on the Internet for kicks or to compensate for virginity. But some of what I am reading these days is SO poorly written, it’s laughable. I mean who can really take the poorly scribed rantings of a semi-literate Internet troll seriously? But what if the same rants were written in actual English?

Im sure there were not to many mexicans hurt in mexico, their all here..

becomes…

I am certain that there were not too many Mexicans hurt in Mexico…They’re all here..

Literate hatred is, somehow, far more frightening than illiterate hatred. So how do I rant like a frightened child without sounding like I never finished the sixth grade? It’s all in the vocabulary. Get control of the most basic parts of English and the silly troll becomes…uhmmm…I don’t know…Glenn Beck? The biggest problem stems not from the ignorance of the Commentors but, rather, from the unbridled pride taken in such ignorance. As I wrote earlier, racism is fun again. Xenophobia is all the rage and the have-nots now look at middle-class with disdain, as if a lifetime of fiscal management and pension plans now makes them a bunch of socialist slaves sucking at the teat of the mainstream media. And we know this because guys like Beck tell them so.

So here is my short but sweet guide to posting stupid stuff while not looking like a stupid person.

  • Loose doesn’t equal lose.
  • Then doesn’t equal than.
  • There doesn’t equal their which doesn’t equal they’re.
  • Are doesn’t equal our.
  • To doesn’t equal too.
  • Punctuation matters. Always has, always will.
  • Text Speak makes you look 13 years old.
  • Typing in all caps makes people angry and the writer look crazy. Crazy people are easily dismissed.
  • Spell check. That red squiggly line under your word means you can’t spell. Right click and fix it.

It really is easy. Just a nip there and a tuck here and you go from raving, backwoods lunatic to a literate person with an actual idea. And an actual person with an idea like,

“Most of these racist comments are not from Americans. There is a company in Asia that hires people to make these comments. I followed the money trail and it came back to a company in Florida. This company is owned by Rush Limbaugh.”

becomes just a little bit scarier.

Next: Dumbing Down America One TV Show at a Time.


The Internet Sucks And It Is Ruining America…Part One

I found this comment on ABC News Dot Com:

We have long been fed the line that teachers and police are underpaid and work incredibly hard for little reward. Yet these are people who could find no other way to make a living and only went into their so-called profession by default. If they weren’t doing what they do, what else would be available to them? Perhaps the Postal Service or garbage collection, but these jobs actually require real labor. As teachers and police they are fantastically overpaid when benefits are figured into their share of the public dole. The propaganda continues to be fed to us by unions that dedication to the welfare of the public drives these individuals in what we laughingly refer to as their “work”, when it is the security, easy money, and lack of qualifications that actually attracts them to jobs where they can enjoy an inflated sense of self-important authority as a side benefit. Their pay could be cut by 80% and there would still be plenty of teachers and police because some people are unqualified for anything else and have a pathological attraction to power, however pathetically limited it may be.
Posted by:
phdinresidence Aug-1

It was in response to an article entitled, Civil Servants find themselves Cast in Unlikely Roles: Fat Cats. Hear that Mom and Dad? I’m a Fat Cat! Never mind the fact that just four days later, ABC News ran a story that listed teachers as one of the lowest paid positions that require a college degree. Never mind the fact that the gist of the story is that the government is offering some cash to keep teachers at work. Never mind the fact that most of the commentators never actually read the article and were, in fact, simply commenting on the comments of others. No…the thing to pay attention to is the tone of the comments.

We have long been fed the line that teachers and police are underpaid and work incredibly hard for little reward. Yet these are people who could find no other way to make a living and only went into their so-called profession by default. If they weren’t doing what they do, what else would be available to them?

Have we sunk so low as to start hating teachers and cops for how much money they make? And, “If they weren’t doing what they do, what else would be available to them?” Are people predestined to become  “Fat Cat” cops or teachers? Are they all failed astronauts or Formula 1 drivers? Or does a person wake up one day and just say, “I am not cut out for the life of a fry cook. I guess I’ll just have to become a teacher.” And who says “Fat Cat” anymore?

It is a brand new class war that is sparked by a brand new movement and fueled by an aging technology. But this time the class war has a bit of a twist. The “Haves” are not looking down at the “Have-Nots” anymore. The “Have-Nots” are looking down at the “Haves”. There is a growing sense in America that the once admirable middle class is somehow the enemy with their hoity-toity savings accounts and their in-your-face retirement plans. Mr. or Ms. phdinresidence seems to think that the only thing lower in life than a teacher or a cop would be a Postal Worker or a “garbage man.” Take that Mr. Postman.

It gets worse folks. The Internet is making us dumb as hell. It is giving a forum to anyone who wants it and many who simply don’t deserve it. The most frightening example of the dumbing down of America is the comment section of any story on Yahoo News. It is easy to surmise that there are people out there who have a Yahoo home page and can merely click on the links. Any advanced web navigation would require WAY too much thought. Seeing is believing…

From Yahoo Comments:

  1. Does level the playing field mean whitie works while blackie collects welfare?
  2. The Tea Party is gonna spank that liberal democratic a$$.
  3. con bush and his republicon party allowed 911 to happen even when they knew these saudis terrorist could not land a plane. 911 happened on the republicons watch and allowed to happen. hence wmd lies, iraq invasion, and trillions of american dollars wasted on republicon lies and misinformation. dump con republicons for a change. [sic][Honestly..I couldn’t make this stuff up]
  4. In other news, Barack Obama shot a course record 66 at Agusta, and Michelle ate two racks of baby back ribs.
  5. how do you not see a big @#$% trian comming at you!!!? or hear it for that matter!! there should be a mass murder of all stupid people in the world!. and show it on pay per view lol[Also sic]
  6. There may be a war abroad but there is one here too…AMERICANS vs liberal americans who just don’t get it! {sic but I actually worry about this kind of stuff…]
  7. And here we see the liberals for what they truly are. Social anarchists without a moral compass. Remember that come November.

Can you match this brilliant comments to their headlines?

  • A – Glen Beck’s Speech
  • B – NJ schools chief fired after Race to the Top Gaffe
  • C – Political Ads Surpass Levels as Attacks Mount
  • D – Ground Zero Mosque Boundaries
  • E – S. African girl Survives Attack and Dies in Crash
  • F – 2 Cars Explode in Mexico Where 72 Bodies Found
  • G – Bikini Clad Strippers Protest Church

I’ll add the answers at the bottom of the page.

The lunacy continues and we all have a front row seat. Everyone who has ever hated anyone now has a way to shout it at the top of their lungs and no one seems to notice that our country isn’t really sliding right or left. It is circling the drain. We are becoming dumber and as we are becoming dumber we are becoming more and more proud of that fact. Blame the Internet. Or Glenn Beck. Or Fox News. Or American Idol, The Real World, Trading Spouses or any silly, pointless “reality show.” Blame whoever you want but just stop it. You’re ruining America.

Next Time: How to post an idiotic comment without looking like an idiot.

Answers: 1-B, 2-C, 3-D, 4-F, 5-E, 6-A, 7-G.


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